Are you Valentine-Ready? Proven experiment can help you foster romance in as little as one hour
If you are still stalking through your Facebook friends or trolling your Twitter crush to approach to see a Valentine concert in Bellevue or don’t have someone to take you to a candlelit dinner this February, then don’t fret. You still have time! If you are still on the lookout for a date this upcoming V day, we thought we’d share this quick and easy social experiment you can try to win yourself a potential partner not only to spend Valentine’s with but also a likely companion for life. (Side note: why not give your special someone a Garage/Closet Makeover for Valentines? See details here.)
Of course, we just don’t choose anyone. We choose someone – someone we might have some commonalities with and spark off mutual intimacy and trust. If so, how do we choose that someone?
The answer lies in science – a series of 36 increasingly personal questions which you answer with a potential partner to be followed with a 4-minute staring session, without making any sound. Does it work, you asked? Read New York Times writer, Mandy Len Catron’s story here.
The love experiment was derived from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron. In his study, a group of men and women, who didn’t even know each other, were paired up and asked each other a list of 36 questions (which you can find below). Then they were asked to silently stare at each other’s eyes for four minutes. And that’s it, that’s all it takes to create that special bond, intimacy and trust with someone you’ve just barely met. The results: all couples significantly grew closer after the session, and one pair even got married six months after.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a perfect day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
- Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them: Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
It might not be entirely possible to conveniently attract romance just for the sake of Valentines. This test will help you lay the foundations of your intimate bond but it’s still up to you both whether to nurture it. After all, fostering romance is still a choice both of you need to make.